Wednesday, March 9, 2011

A bitter/sweet post.

I've learned that sometimes all I have to say is fuck it and live it!!

Hey, dudes bitches! How' yo day? Mine is fine, so far. hehe! I seriously, need to diet. please! *helps* Alaaaa! I know this is so annoying as I always complain
how fat am I bla bla bla but no doubt. i grow fatter ! Fml my deep2. demnnnnnnn. >.<>
Yesterday, went dinner with friends @Kl city, Jalan Alor If Im not mistaken. Hmmm. It reminds me quite alot thing. The last time, I went was last year.
I dont feel like admonish but memories keep flashing in my mind. I know I cant control it. I asked my friend, Rain to stop saying something like we came here
before... Hmm. Aiks. Another bad memories at here thought. Why la?! Too much bitter, too little candy coated memories happens on me! Fucking no fair!

I did something at my FB yesterday. I went to my privacy settings, then I clicked into ..... forgot liao. thr's a list A to Z. One in the list is '' posts, status and etc....
I click in and I set ''someone'' unable to view my wall! Yeah, I did finally.(Its because a status he posted last few days and I ''accidentally'' saw.... '' everytime, I browse thru, full with disappointment)
So, Im being heart kinded. ;) I did. But.. but.. I dont know if I should or shouldnt. Maybe, its good or perhaps. I don't know.
I really dont sigh of everytime, when Im viewing my news feed, I saw something that affronted me and manage to make me emo. I.dont.want.emo!

What my friend said to me it is very true, why is he so powerful or capable making me emo for whole day if he is no one to me anymore? I don't know why..... Just I feel teribble
bad. To be honest, I REALLY DONT HAVE FEELING TOWARDS HIM. Memories pull me back? Duration pulls me back? Feelings pull me back? Missing pulls me back?
Guitiness pull me back? I don't know! Ohfuck! I've blogged bout him again. Do you all know that, I've deleted all my previous, 200++ posts. 80% is about him.
How I been through when he wanted break up with me for the first time. Like, I blog bout him everyday. Even a single msg he send to me. eg : eaten?
i wrote in my blog, as a back talk!? Omo! Am I too insane on him that time? I think so... My friend told me how crazy am I towards him before this. Kisiao!

Im wondering now, why am I always mention about him? I hate him! I told my friend how much my hates to him, how annoying I felt and how irritating I felt.
BUT WHT THE FUCK IM DOING NOW?Is it this blog delicated to him? No hell way, please! Past was past. I believe I can color my life as colorful than before!
I post this blog NOT PURPOSELY wants him to read, thats it. Its a part of my storyline. I wish he can have brighter future. I don't wish everytime received his texts
telling me how suffering he is, how much he cant let me go, how much the blame he put on me. I don't like to read. Sometimes, I will only scrol down and press back.
Im cruel maybe!

Im tired/lazy to start everything from begining, seriously! It brings me a very big impact on relationship. you told me that I've the ability made you don't have confidence in relationship or on girls.
Hello, what about me?! You better ask yourself what have you done before this! Thr are fucking many things hidden behind, but who knows? who the hell I can tell too?
I dont want a fail relationship. Everytime, I wanted to move on
and everything is fine sure something make me reluctantly wants to move a step back. Hmmm. Do you all think I don't want a guy who can pamper me mer?
demnn. I saw my friend couple couple. I envy,okay!
p/s : Rain and yuri you both same kaki! Demnnn you! Im not made from transparent materials. jiak sai! Sekian,Telima kaseh.

Sometimes, I pretend to be tough. It feels so bad when act Im not. : (

Note for myself :

When people try to bring me down, they try to completely destroy me. Fuck you, bitch! I've cried as hard as I could possibly cry. I don’t know what I did wrong and I ask myself why. What did I do to deserve this? So, when life throws I something unexpected, I just have to keep my head up. This is realistic world! Fairy tales gone. : '(

end of the post.

#nowplaying : shou hao de xin fu neh?

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